What the Cross of Christ Means to Me...

So, this Lenten season at church we are having a person a week give a little testimony about what the cross means to him/her.....This past Sunday as I was listening to a rather verbose woman speak I began to ponder what the cross meant to me.

The cross of Christ is the epitome of suffering. A man that was perfect and blameless was nailed to a cross and was mocked, scorned, and ridiculed. Just for me and you.

So, to me the cross is a symbol of hope above all else. Sure we think of all the suffering and agony that our perfect Savior went through.....but think of the hope that we have in him!!

This was evident to me firsthand a couple of weekends ago when I went to visit my poppa in the hospital. He has cancer and the tumor that he has causes him terrible pain. It breaks my heart to see him in agony and screaming with pain...but when an old and hurting man pauses from his screaming and is quiet for a few seconds before softly singing that familiar hymn "Oh how I love Jesus, Oh how I love Jesus, Oh how I love Jesus, Because he first loved me..." it is a powerful testament of faith.

I honestly believe that my poppa knows and is humbled by the fact that Jesus understands his pain more than any of us on earth can at all. In that moment the Lord spoke to him and made him at peace during his suffering. What a simply beautiful moment to remember and be thankful that the Almighty God watches over us and protects us. Although we do suffer and life is hard, the cross of Christ is a reminder that Christ suffered to save us from our sins and truly understands our pains and burdens and just asks that we lay everything at his feet. Our decisions, our struggles, our sins, our joys......

Sometimes it is hard for me to give my problems to the Lord, so the cross is a constant reminder of the desire that my sovereign God has for me to hand it all to Him!

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
Forever more

Sidenote: This probably is a bunch of rambling but I have a million thoughts going through my head!

Smile.

I just had a small epiphany. Okay, maybe I am being dramatic. Its a pretty important realization to me though. Ok, so I didn't have the best day today...it wasnt terrible but it was just kinda gloomy outside and rainy (I am thankful for the rain though!). I got stuck in a torrential downpour on my way back from class with NO umbrella, got soaked, didn't feel well, the list goes on.....and my day wasn't that great. Tonight, I still don't feel well and I have a mound of work to do. But I was just looking through my myspace pictures and realized how important a smile is. God has blessed me. I can smile, with an expression of insurrmountable joy on my face. There are so many people in this world that are torn and brought down by so many things--cheating, rape, depression, death....Sometimes I feel so helpless...like I cant do anything to help these people that are hurting. I have my smile though. On days when I don't feel like smiling, I could smile at someone and make them realize that someone cares. I am just so thankful that I can smile and I have reasons to smile (a Sovereign God that loves me more than I can even begin to imagine, Jesus who died for me, a fabulous church that I LOVE attending every week, my amazing family that I absolutely love more than anything in this world, wonderful friends that make my heart smile, getting an education, etc). Looking at those pictures just renewed my positiveness...def needed that! I need to be more thankful for my many reasons to smile and put forth an effort to share it with others more :)

roommate for sale:

NOTE: mean as a snake and might make you cry but someone with thicker skin than I can handle it.



Yep, that's what my lovely roomie thinks of me.

:)

Through the Ups and Downs of Life...

I haven't blogged in so long...I kinda regret it, but whatever. Let's see.....
-Blake and I broke up in October. Since then, we have had an on-again/off-again type relationship which has been super stressful...Right now we are doing good--trying to communicate more and all that fun stuff.
-When I went to SC for Thanksgiving, I noticed that my poppa wasn't doing great...when we went back for Christmas, it was even more obvious. It broke my heart so much that I cried almost all the way home (which is a three hour trip roughly)...Soon after that, we found out that he has cancer...a tumor in his spine that won't react to chemo or surgery since its against the bone. When we went to see them last weekend, he seemed depressed. He didn't really perk up when he saw us which was highly unusual. I have just tried to put everything in God's hands...praying that he doesn't suffer and that he will find his strength through the power of God's word and prayers and Christian fellowship. He is going to give radiation a try, which has a good chance of shrinking the tumor but not completely. This also has a chance of harming other organs in his body but the doctor was optimistic about the potential of radiation. I'm also worried about my grandma who is having to care for him around the clock. Anyway, I just pray that God's will is done....I am doing much better about this news than I was at first. It didn't help that I was away from home at school when I just wanted to be there with my family.
-Christmas/Advent at ZBC was amazing as always and uplifting as well. I worked full-time hours throughout Christmas break which was somewhat aggravating but I did it and tried to remain positive.
-This new semester is harder than last and I'm just trying to make it through and pass everything. I am experiencing my least favorite prof ever this semester and its a struggle just making it through 50 minutes three times a week.
-I'm making more friends this semester.
-I fall more in love with Jesus everyday and I am still amazed by his grace...and I AM GOING to do better about this blogging thing :)

I'm Not a Mother, I'm Not a Drug Dealer....

Yesterday, I had an experience that scared me out of my mind. An innocent trip to Fuquay-Varina ended up turning into a rather interesting and thought provoking experience. First of all, Jordan and I had to go to the Sprint store to get a new antenna for her phone because it fell off of her top bunk bed and broke. This was partially my fault, because I was flickering the lights which scared Jordan to the point where she jumped around on her bed, causing her phone to crash to the floor. Point blank, it was broken and had to be fixed immediately....As we waited in the Sprint store, I listened to the conversation that the sales technician was having with a cystomer in the store....about how she was a Christian but she didn't go to church because she was who she was and she didn't want to be judged. This seemed to be a pretty profound statement to share with a strange man that you had never seen before. It made me really sad. To realize that people stray away from our churches because they feel judged and categorized by the members of the church makes me very upset, especially since I know that the only judging should come from God. Jesus died for EVERYONE'S sins, we all sin and fall short of the glory of God and are no better than our neighbor. After that customer left, we walked up to that same lady. She began to tell us about how she had nine cats in her house and they peed all over everything and even threw up on her stove. How disguisting! But then, she said something that really broke my heart. She said that she had to tell her fiancee to choose between her and the cats because they were moving from one trailor park to another and they couldn't go with them. This woman told us that she wasn't sure which her fiancee would pick. Imagine settling for someone who you weren't even sure cared more for you than a cat! I am reading a book right now called "Lady in Waiting" which discusses the call to find God's best for your life, even if it means waiting. I can't being with someone who equivalated (I might have just made up that word) my importance with a CAT. I felt really sorry for this woman....and I don't want to forget the fact that I need to continually do my part to make the church a place where broken people come to be embraced by a community of believers that can help them grow in their faith.
After we left the Sprint store, we went and browsed in some of the downtown shops for a little while. I didn't want to go back to campus...I had been working on Western Civ almost allll day and I was just sick of doing homework...We went back to Jordan's car and began a discussion about what we were gonna do for supper. The cafeteria has been severely lacking this week and we had definitely ruled out the cafeteria. We were just sitting there trying to decide between Ruby Tuesday's or the cheaper way out of going to the Oasis at school where we could just use our declining balance without having to spend any paper money. All of a sudden, a woman came up to the car and tapped on the window. Red flag---I got soooo scared all because I didn't know what this woman wanted from us. Immediately, I just knew that I was going to die or be injured or robbed or something. Both of our pocketbooks were sitting in our laps. I told Jordan that she WAS going to rob us. For some random reason, Jordan's alarm system on her car went off at that moment and no matter how hard she tried it would not stop. She told me that in order for it to stop she was going to have to unlock the door. That suspicious woman was standing on MY side of the car and so I was very reluctant for her to do that, but she did. The whole time the woman stood there and waited for this ordeal to be over. If it was me, I would have cleared the place. I wanted us to drive off and not acknowledge the woman but Jordan cracked my window a little bit and we listened as she said Now girls, I'm not a mother (or maybe mugger) and I'm not a drug dealer. I'm just behind on my week's rent and any money that you have I would appreciate. I wasn't going to give her a dime (isn't that terrible!) because I was scared that if I went into my wallet, she would reach through the window and take my wallet. Jordan gave her a dollar and then we left. I finally breathed a sign of relief, but then I felt convicted almost immediately. Although I believe that the woman was lying, especially because she couldn't even look at us and her story didn't make much sense, I shouldn't have felt the attitude toward her that I did. Is that what Jesus would have done? Not a chance. I also was angry that some people that aren't really in need make me judgmental and unwilling to discern from the people that really do need help. I could go on forever but I am SICK of writing....

Imagination.....

When I was a little girl, my imagination went wild. I had an entire score of imaginary friends and I entertained my family and neighbors and friends with stories of Crystal Dee and Windsock and Windhouse and many more. Crystal Dee even died once in a housefire and came back to life. Wow, I definitely had a very active imagination. However, once I began school my imagination kinda just went down the drain. Throughout grade school (wow, I just sounded like my grandma) I tended to be somewhat envious of people that were creative and could come up with stuff off the top of their heads that just sounded fun. I am proud to say that I think that my imagination is coming back now that I go to college in a town that has one stop light. There is pretty much nothing to do at Campbell, especially on the weekends (which I experienced firsthand this past weekend--it was my first weekend ever staying here). Pretty much, I was bored out of my mind by Friday night.. I had begun to suggest stuff to my roomie to do--stuff that I would have never thought of before coming to college. Saturday, we took pictures running and jumping off the fountain and taking a picture as we were suspended in mid-air. OR how about the homemade facials I suggested. She made hers out of milk of magnesia....The look that I got from some other people when I grabbed a bottle of it at Walmart was priceless. OR how about the pumpkins that we bought and painted....I know I sound crazy, but I am easily having as much fun as I have ever had in my whole life here.
I was wondering what in the world brought back this "revival" of my imagination. I think its because I have once again started to appreciate the small things in life. Toward the end of my high school career, I was bored and angry and tired of everything around me. I was tired of getting up every morning at 6, then going to school all day, then going to work til 6, then doing loads of homework and being too tired and stressed to do anything else besides fall asleep. I was concerned with making good grades, and stressed because calculus was kicking my BUTT. I was tired of the same ole same ole stuff. I was tired of being in school for seven hours a day. But now, I'm in class for 16.5 hours a week, and although sometimes I DO get stressed and I DO just want to hit the snooze button instead of getting up and listening to an 8AM lecture about the French Revolution I am typically much happier with life than I was a few months ago. So, since there isn't much to do here, I have found more time to spend in prayer and reading my bible and laughing and coming up with outrageous things to do instead of sitting around griping and complaining about the routine schedule and moods that I was experiencing.
God is so good! He amazes me every day! Oh, and another thing. Now I appreciate church even more than I ever have before in my life. I'll admit that I was getting annoyed with feeling like I "had" to go to church...not that my parents forced me but still. Now, Zebulon Baptist Church is probably what I look forward to the most on the weekends. The fact that I don't have to go but there's not a place in the world I would rather be makes me really happy... . Goodness, I ramble on and on here............but the point is.....

I definitely made an excellent choice when I decided on Campbell University and God is at work in my life:)

An Update on Life....

This week and last week have been pretty busy- full of cramming for exams and all that fun stuff that comes with college. I had a Western Civ exam today and I think I did alright....I should have studied more, but whatever. Last night Jordan and I laughed so much.....We procrastinated on studying and sang Jesus Paid it All ten times before we finally found a version that we sounded halfway decent on, not one that had been plagued with a coughing spell like half of them were or me busting into laughter like usual. So, that was fun. Last week we painted pumpkins, which turned out to be a hilarious way to entertain ourselves on a boring afternoon! Tonight, my three hour English class was cancelled. I swear, when that happens it is like Christmas in my heart. Especially since it has happened two weeks in a row. My teacher is sick. Anyway, I don't feel too great today, my throat has been hurting pretty bad..Also, I'm staying at CU this weekend for the first time ever to study for my three midterms that I am responsible for next week. I'm kinda excited though and will definitely be making my rounds at Sunni Skies!
In CUW this week, Dr. Codgill spoke about finding God's call for your life. It was inspirational to me in a sense, but also discouraging in the fact that I still have no idea where my life is going. Discovering what His will for me is continues to be a struggle for me. Oh well, it's motivation to spend more time in prayer with Him about it and various other things as well.
Well, I'm off to dinner and then CRU...Maybe I'll update again soon.