Tired...[Warning: Whining Ahead]

The title says it all. I am so tired of school. It drives me nuts to be stuck somewhere that I don't wanna be. Funny thing is, it happens all the time. I'm ready for a change. I'm tired of sitting through group meetings that go nowhere. Tired of being given ridiculous assignments and busy work. Tired of sitting in class and wondering what in the hell the professor is talking about...and why I should care. I'm not the type who has ever been really gung ho about this whole college thing...but I'm officially over it. I'm tired of being away from the love of my life. Tired of idling around and counting down the days til the week, month, and semester are over. I am ready to feel some passion about my days.

Stream of Consciousness

I got this idea from a blog I read. Sometimes, it is fun to be random and just say whatever comes to mind. I remember doing this in my 11th grade English class and writing page after page in five minutes. I enjoy writing and even have a journal, but I don't keep up with it as much as I should. I have two finals tomorrow that I should probably be studying for right now. I have to make a 59 and a 62 to get A's in the classes, so I'm not feeling much motivation. After I take them, I will be a senior in college. Where has the time gone? I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I guess I better figure that out soon. I am really excited about my internship at ZBC this summer. I am going to be really busy. I just got my schedule for the first three weeks and it is jam packed. Some of the things I will be doing will be easy and very enjoyable for me. Others are going to be really hard and I am really going to have to step out of my comfort zone to get through them. I am thankful for the opportunity, though, and can't wait for it to begin! I am still cracking up over what happened with me and Jordan earlier. We decided we needed (wanted) some coffee and couldn't decide where to go. We narrowed it down to McDonald's for a frappe or Coffee Society right down the road. Neither one of us was making a decision...no surprise there...so I decided we were gonna write down our personal choices on a piece of paper and decide based on that. I wrote "whatever you pick" and she wrote "whatever you decide." HAHA that is so us...it cracks me up. I am looking forward to spending some time with my friends that I haven't seen in awhile this summer. Tomorrow marks mine and Josh's one year anniversary. It is incredible the things we have made it through. We have both matured so much during this year. He's one of my very best friends and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. God is so good! I am really far behind in the "you've got the time" thing where you listen for 28 minutes a day and hear the whole New Testament in forty days. I am still in Luke and should probably be in Philippians by now. I've gotta get back to it. I'm excited about going home for the summer but I can't believe how fast life is going by!!

Simple Pleasures

*Laughing until it hurts
*Roaming around Target for hours
*Sister bonding time
*A random compliment
*Star-gazing
*Looking at the ocean and marveling at the immenseness of God
*Deep, meaningful conversations
*Feeling like a child again
*A coffee light frap with peppermint from Starbucks
*Warm, fresh out of the oven cookies
*Doing sweet things for others
*Cooking
*Springtime
*Planners
*Driving around with the windows down and the music up
*Getting cards in the mail
*Watching Jeopardy with my parents
*Watching Communion being served from the choir loft
*Good grades
*Warm towels fresh out of the dryer

Quick Update!

School sucks, basically. I am ready to be done. I bet 25% of my free time every day is spent agonizing over what I'm gonna do with my life when I get out of school. Lately, several of my classes are bringing in dreaded elements...such as oral presentations, interviews, and resumes (with the funky things over the e's that I have no idea how to replicate on here). These things make it a reality that yes, I am growing up and no, I don't like it. I also realized a couple of months ago that this whole "business world" and competition and striving to get to the top is really not for me. That's kinda depressing, because I am more than a little ways into the major, but I guess it's good that I am starting to figure myself out a little bit. I used to be enticed by the idea of moving up and making lots of money, but lately I've realized that my heart lies with helping and loving people. More on that later...
Another 50% of day involves wasting time on the computer. I need rehab, seriously.
The last 25% involves talking to Josh or hanging out on my roomie's floor...my life is so severely interesting...

On another note, I'm starting to journal soon...I went out and bought a pretty little journal so I'm ready to go.

The weather today is amazing. I wouldn't complain if it was sunny, breezy, and 72 degrees every day for the rest of my life! =)

Abundance

Throughout my life, I've been blessed with everything that I "need" and so much more. Whenever I heard about the poverty in other countries, my heart felt sad for them...but that was it. When I heard about the opportunity to serve in Belize, I immediately knew I was called to be there. It was time for me to get out of my little box and experience another part of the world. It was really scary and I really had no idea what to expect. I saw "homes" that were falling over and rotting....but yet, they were lived in. I saw children that were younger than five walking beside the road by themselves. I saw kids that wore the same clothes everyday. I went into a house where a pig, chickens, and roosters walked throughout the dirt floors with free reign. The physical differences were so noticeable and made me really sad at first. I saw other things, too. I found contentment and love at a completely new level. It is still blessing me today. These people didn't have all the "stuff" to get between them and Jesus like we do. The pureness in the prayers of those little children will be in my heart FOREVER. "Jesus, thank you for this food and juice. Thank you for make everything. We love you." Their physical environment is way less than what we consider to be acceptable. They don't have underwear, running water, or indoor toilets. But yet, they have an abundance of things that matter. The light in the eyes of those kids when you just took time to acknowledge them - play a game, do a craft, or just love on them...it was unreal.

Life is Good

Life is good, when I really sit down and think about it. I'm a huge fan of lists so...

1. My family is AMAZING. We've been through some rough times in the past few months but things have calmed down and I can honestly say that I adore my family...today, we went out to lunch and just having the five of us together was great.


2. Friends. This list is so cliche, but really. I have a few friends that I can talk to about ANYTHING and I mean anything. I love these "soul friends" that this quote applies to...

*Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.*
- Dinah Craik

I'm starting to realize what a blessing it is to have people that I can completely be myself around without having to worry about what they might think.



3. My Josh:) ... He's really become my best friend (well, one of them)...we can talk for hours about everything under the sun and anyone that can put up with my stubborn self deserves some recognition. hahaha. The boy makes me plain giddy.




4. It's obvious...I blog about my church all the time but I honestly LOVE IT! I feel His presence almost every week when I walk into the sanctuary and I'm so thankful that God blesses me in such magnitude every week.




5. I try to pretend that work makes me happy, but really....I'm happy when a customer is nice to me and appreciative (which is rare) and when I get that paycheck every other Wednesday.


6. I also pretend that it's okay that I don't see some of my favorite people over the summer very much, but it's not and I miss them a LOT!!!

This post is so all over the place, but I'm just feelin' grateful tonight!:)

Let It Him Be...

I just wanted to take a few minutes to share my thoughts on one of my new favorite songs. It's by Addison Road, and it's titled "What do I Know of Holy?" Here's the link; check it out if you have a few minutes.

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

I bolded (not so sure that's a word) & italicized the parts that really stuck out to me. This song is SO perfect for me for so many reasons. First of all, I think this song helps highlight a major problem with Christianity today. We work so hard to figure out the how's and why's of our magnificent God when we should be beholding His glory. It is SO HARD for us to have faith in things we cannot see. WE like to be in control. Accepting that God is mighty and Holy and perfect scares us, because we know we aren't that way. In my opinion,this is a large reason why we spend much of our religious energy fighting over various dogmas about God and issues surrounding the church. We just don't want to admit that there is Someone out there who knows us a million times better than we know ourselves, and that maybe, just maybe, the things we argue about don't even really matter.

Finally, the writers of this song must have gotten into my head before they wrote it because I am guilty of sooo many things mentioned within these amazing lyrics. I agonize over figuring out what I'm called to do for the rest of my life, but I don't stop to listen for what might be revealed to me. Sometimes, I even think of God as trivial in my busy schedule. I can master the "God-talk." I can tell Bible stories until I am black and blue in the face. But what is talk without really and truly knowing and experiencing what you are talking about?

From now on, I am making a conscious effort to experience God for who He is. I think I can be a part of many amazing things if I just let Him be.