I Will Carry you, My child

Those words that Amy Grant sings seem especially relevant to my mood tonight....

I read a blog tonight entitled "Ten Years Ago" where a 28 year old woman shares that she has grown so much in the past ten years since she was 18..physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc...I needed this hope - the reassurance....what have you...I really needed to read that tonight. She talks about the mistakes that she made in the past and says that looking back she wouldn't want to change them because through her mistakes she learned and grew closer to Christ in the process.

Realizing that I am at the end of a road that once provided me with so much security and comfort and knowing that I have to move forward without having that crutch to fall back on anymore is causing me some heartache. I never thought that I would be so upset when this day finally came. The end of a relationship that has been so broken, so screwed up in so many ways is here. Tonight, I feel weak and vulnerable. I could possibly crawl under my blanket right now and cry my eyes out. I would probably feel better to let my emotions out. This is my fault, anyway. I definitely asked for it....but this time being remorseful isn't enough. But, I hear the lyrics of my favorite song at the moment and I believe with all of my heart that God is with me.


Cuz everything is a lesser thing compared to You
so I surrender all

Last night and last week and every Sunday when I am at church surrounded by people that nurture my spiritual life, I feel the presence of Christ in such a mighty and amazing way. I am so thankful that most nights I am able to be joyful and even when I'm not...I know that the Lord is with me.

A Thankful Heart

Tonight, my heart overflows with joy. I am thankful. I am caught in the glimpse of God's glory that has been revealed to me tonight with small, often occurring moments in my life. As I sit in my room, listening to the Newsboys on His radio (which I love for its music) I am overwhelmed by the spirit.

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken
I’m accepted, You were condemned
I’m alive and well, Your Spirit is within me
Because You died and rose again
Amazing love, how can it be
That You, my King, should die for me?
Amazing love, I know it’s true
It’s my joy to honor You
In all I do, to honor You
You are my King

Today started out normally....Sundays are my favorite.... my mom makes some AMAZING homemade pancakes....I love going to church - I look forward to it all week. Just being around Christian people that love me and whom I love is just amazing. Singing in the choir is always great and this Sunday I had the opportunity to sing with some friends just like old times. Tonight, my daddy and I went to Target...it definitely didn't hurt that my addiction-Starbucks- was open...Anyway, I digress...But my daddy is hands down my favorite person ever....Just spending time with him is a huge blessing. It's storming outside. Storms are amazing to me.

I love it when I have the mindset like I do tonight...it's so glorious to be thankful instead of having a negative spirit.

Sometimes, I have days where I wonder what in the world my purpose is. I feel like I'm not understood by others....I really don't even understand myself. It's good that I am reassured tonight that I can bring all my uncertainty and doubt to Him...He understands me....all the time, even when I don't understand myself.

A few weeks ago, I was at the beach with my family. I went on the balcony of the condo we were staying in and took my Bible. I decided to read a water story since I was gazing at the water. I picked the story of Jesus calming the storm. I tried to imagine what it was like for the disciples to trust the Lord as they wondered, "who then is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?" I can only imagine their concern and amazement. I get that feeling when I'm at the beach too. Who in this world can look at the vast ocean and not believe? That's something that I don't understand.

I'm thankful that I feel the presence of the Almighty at ordinary times....and I pray for those who don't to get just a glimpse of how amazing it is. Nothing breaks my heart more than when people don't want a relationship with God. I know it's easy in today's world to believe that you don't "need" God when materialistic views consume our thoughts....but money doesn't buy the indescribable way that passionately loving the Savior does. A really good friend of mine says that he doesn't "need to lick God's ass to get into heaven." Oh how I pray for the Lord to speak to him and move him. I'm not one to condemn him for this statement, but I know he has times in his life where he feels lonely and empty. Getting into heaven isn't the reason to be a part of a body of believers. God's grace is amazing and He forgives our sinning ways.

I really need to stop - I could type all night. Hopefully I'll finish this later. I'll close with some powerful lyrics I heard the other day.

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds to
Lord empty me of me so I can be filled with you.