Roomies:)Thursday, September 25, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Discovering True Self
Today has been a blah day for me. Rainy....class times three...Miss Perfect Wannabe making a 94 on a test....You get the picture...
But today, I have discovered something about myself. It's not a big deal, but it makes sense of a lot of things when I think about it. Maybe I had discovered it previously and am just admitting to myself that its true...but nevertheless...
I'm realizing this partly because of a book that I am reading that talks about how you cannot ultimately hide who you are from yourself....Anyway, on to the point....
I long for companionship. I have a true need deep within myself to have people to confide in that genuinely care about me and don't just half-heartedly listen when their minds are preoccupied with something else. I also, in turn, have a huge need to be there for other people. I've found that hearing other people's stories really helps me learn more about myself as well.
So, here's the AHA moment for me. This need that I have is why I am ultimately dissatisfied with the college experience so far. I am in no way fulfilling this need that is such a huge part of who I am, regardless of if I show it or not.
I don't branch out and make myself available enough to be there for people, and therefore never gain that trust that I need to build deep relationships.
Sometimes, I am too observant for my own good. Today I just realized that if I ever want to be happy and enjoy the college experience the way that I could be enjoying it, I need to quit living in the shadows and step up to the plate.
I know that this is only possible through prayer. God knows who I am and He is the only One who can ultimately understand me. Maybe if I can just learn to fall at his feet with EVERYTHING, I can be more successful at being true to myself.
But today, I have discovered something about myself. It's not a big deal, but it makes sense of a lot of things when I think about it. Maybe I had discovered it previously and am just admitting to myself that its true...but nevertheless...
I'm realizing this partly because of a book that I am reading that talks about how you cannot ultimately hide who you are from yourself....Anyway, on to the point....
I long for companionship. I have a true need deep within myself to have people to confide in that genuinely care about me and don't just half-heartedly listen when their minds are preoccupied with something else. I also, in turn, have a huge need to be there for other people. I've found that hearing other people's stories really helps me learn more about myself as well.
So, here's the AHA moment for me. This need that I have is why I am ultimately dissatisfied with the college experience so far. I am in no way fulfilling this need that is such a huge part of who I am, regardless of if I show it or not.
I don't branch out and make myself available enough to be there for people, and therefore never gain that trust that I need to build deep relationships.
Sometimes, I am too observant for my own good. Today I just realized that if I ever want to be happy and enjoy the college experience the way that I could be enjoying it, I need to quit living in the shadows and step up to the plate.
I know that this is only possible through prayer. God knows who I am and He is the only One who can ultimately understand me. Maybe if I can just learn to fall at his feet with EVERYTHING, I can be more successful at being true to myself.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Go See....
.....The Bucket List.....
It was Sooooo gooood!! Its probably one of my new faves.
Sometimes I love Blah Weather....especially on days like today when there is no class and I can curl up under a blanket and relax.
:)
It was Sooooo gooood!! Its probably one of my new faves.
Sometimes I love Blah Weather....especially on days like today when there is no class and I can curl up under a blanket and relax.
:)
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Lord, Here Am I
I was reminded of something incredible this week.
God speaks to me.
Yes, He does. Even when I sometimes pray, "God, please reveal your plans for my life and my purpose and do it in a way where I am completely sure that it's You speaking to me...like now...," and I hear "nothing," it is so helpful and encouraging to realize that God is indeed speaking to me...by using certain experiences, people, and circumstances to give me a glimpse of His will for my life.
At church on Sunday, the sermon text was Exodus 3. We all know the story of Moses and the burning bush. Moses is off shepherding the flock, and the Lord appears to him in the form of a burning bush. The image of this bush is certainly a reminder of the Mighty Hand of God, but it often replaces the more important underlying message.
God calls to Moses and he replies, "Here I am." How often do I hear God speaking to me and run from what He might want to tell me? Or how often do I get discouraged because I'm not having something HUGE revealed to me when I want it? So often I become hopeless when it's simply because I am ignoring the call from God about His plan for me.
I believe God speaks to me when I am in His house more than ever. It's something about being surrounded by my faith family - people who have loved and nurtured me, ever since I was a little girl - that just makes me feel glorious. Singing in the choir this past summer was an amazing experience. Just sitting out in the congregation listening to wonderful sermons that speak right to my heart is a wonderful way that God speaks to me.
Obviously I am passionate about my faith and my church, so WHY am I not more involved in Campus Ministries at Campbell? Why am I not out there telling my story of how God's amazing grace and mercy has been present in my life? Even though I'm not sure exactly what God will use me for in the future, why do I waste the time I have now when I could be participating in things that will draw me closer to Christ?
In the invitation on Sunday, Terry Michael said, "For those of you out there who might be struggling with a call to vocation, God is speaking to you." I knew that. For some reason though, it really moved me. I need to be still and listen for the ways that God speaks to me daily. I need to stop being caught up in whatever fear is holding me back from listening to what He has in store for me. I need to be confident that His plan is perfect, and He knows what it is. One of my favorite passages is Psalm 139, and its words bring so much peace to my inquisitive spirit.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Psalm 139:5
Our last hymn on Sunday was Lord, Here Am I. As I stood there and held my hymnal, I let the tears well up in my eyes as I let the words voice my prayer for that morning and always. May God grant me the courage and the confidence to put my anxiety about the future in Him and to be ready and willing for whatever He calls me to, not just as a vocation, but now as well.
Master, Thou callest, I gladly obey.
Only direct me, and I'll find Thy way.
Teach me the mission appointed for me.
What is my labor, and where it shall be.
Master, Thou callest, And this I reply,
Ready and willing, Lord, here am I.
Willing, my Savior, to take up the cross.
Willing to suffer reproaches and loss.
Willing to follow if Thou will but lead.
Only support me With grace in my need.
Master, Thou callest, And this I reply,
Ready and willing, Lord here am I.
Living or dying, I still would be Thine,
Yet I am mortal While thou art divine.
Pardon, whenever I turn from the right,
Pity, and bring me again to the light.
Master Thou callest, And this I reply,
Ready and willing, Lord, here am I.
God speaks to me.
Yes, He does. Even when I sometimes pray, "God, please reveal your plans for my life and my purpose and do it in a way where I am completely sure that it's You speaking to me...like now...," and I hear "nothing," it is so helpful and encouraging to realize that God is indeed speaking to me...by using certain experiences, people, and circumstances to give me a glimpse of His will for my life.
At church on Sunday, the sermon text was Exodus 3. We all know the story of Moses and the burning bush. Moses is off shepherding the flock, and the Lord appears to him in the form of a burning bush. The image of this bush is certainly a reminder of the Mighty Hand of God, but it often replaces the more important underlying message.
God calls to Moses and he replies, "Here I am." How often do I hear God speaking to me and run from what He might want to tell me? Or how often do I get discouraged because I'm not having something HUGE revealed to me when I want it? So often I become hopeless when it's simply because I am ignoring the call from God about His plan for me.
I believe God speaks to me when I am in His house more than ever. It's something about being surrounded by my faith family - people who have loved and nurtured me, ever since I was a little girl - that just makes me feel glorious. Singing in the choir this past summer was an amazing experience. Just sitting out in the congregation listening to wonderful sermons that speak right to my heart is a wonderful way that God speaks to me.
Obviously I am passionate about my faith and my church, so WHY am I not more involved in Campus Ministries at Campbell? Why am I not out there telling my story of how God's amazing grace and mercy has been present in my life? Even though I'm not sure exactly what God will use me for in the future, why do I waste the time I have now when I could be participating in things that will draw me closer to Christ?
In the invitation on Sunday, Terry Michael said, "For those of you out there who might be struggling with a call to vocation, God is speaking to you." I knew that. For some reason though, it really moved me. I need to be still and listen for the ways that God speaks to me daily. I need to stop being caught up in whatever fear is holding me back from listening to what He has in store for me. I need to be confident that His plan is perfect, and He knows what it is. One of my favorite passages is Psalm 139, and its words bring so much peace to my inquisitive spirit.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Psalm 139:5
Our last hymn on Sunday was Lord, Here Am I. As I stood there and held my hymnal, I let the tears well up in my eyes as I let the words voice my prayer for that morning and always. May God grant me the courage and the confidence to put my anxiety about the future in Him and to be ready and willing for whatever He calls me to, not just as a vocation, but now as well.
Master, Thou callest, I gladly obey.
Only direct me, and I'll find Thy way.
Teach me the mission appointed for me.
What is my labor, and where it shall be.
Master, Thou callest, And this I reply,
Ready and willing, Lord, here am I.
Willing, my Savior, to take up the cross.
Willing to suffer reproaches and loss.
Willing to follow if Thou will but lead.
Only support me With grace in my need.
Master, Thou callest, And this I reply,
Ready and willing, Lord here am I.
Living or dying, I still would be Thine,
Yet I am mortal While thou art divine.
Pardon, whenever I turn from the right,
Pity, and bring me again to the light.
Master Thou callest, And this I reply,
Ready and willing, Lord, here am I.
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