Discovering True Self

Today has been a blah day for me. Rainy....class times three...Miss Perfect Wannabe making a 94 on a test....You get the picture...

But today, I have discovered something about myself. It's not a big deal, but it makes sense of a lot of things when I think about it. Maybe I had discovered it previously and am just admitting to myself that its true...but nevertheless...

I'm realizing this partly because of a book that I am reading that talks about how you cannot ultimately hide who you are from yourself....Anyway, on to the point....

I long for companionship. I have a true need deep within myself to have people to confide in that genuinely care about me and don't just half-heartedly listen when their minds are preoccupied with something else. I also, in turn, have a huge need to be there for other people. I've found that hearing other people's stories really helps me learn more about myself as well.

So, here's the AHA moment for me. This need that I have is why I am ultimately dissatisfied with the college experience so far. I am in no way fulfilling this need that is such a huge part of who I am, regardless of if I show it or not.

I don't branch out and make myself available enough to be there for people, and therefore never gain that trust that I need to build deep relationships.

Sometimes, I am too observant for my own good. Today I just realized that if I ever want to be happy and enjoy the college experience the way that I could be enjoying it, I need to quit living in the shadows and step up to the plate.

I know that this is only possible through prayer. God knows who I am and He is the only One who can ultimately understand me. Maybe if I can just learn to fall at his feet with EVERYTHING, I can be more successful at being true to myself.