Quick Update!

School sucks, basically. I am ready to be done. I bet 25% of my free time every day is spent agonizing over what I'm gonna do with my life when I get out of school. Lately, several of my classes are bringing in dreaded elements...such as oral presentations, interviews, and resumes (with the funky things over the e's that I have no idea how to replicate on here). These things make it a reality that yes, I am growing up and no, I don't like it. I also realized a couple of months ago that this whole "business world" and competition and striving to get to the top is really not for me. That's kinda depressing, because I am more than a little ways into the major, but I guess it's good that I am starting to figure myself out a little bit. I used to be enticed by the idea of moving up and making lots of money, but lately I've realized that my heart lies with helping and loving people. More on that later...
Another 50% of day involves wasting time on the computer. I need rehab, seriously.
The last 25% involves talking to Josh or hanging out on my roomie's floor...my life is so severely interesting...

On another note, I'm starting to journal soon...I went out and bought a pretty little journal so I'm ready to go.

The weather today is amazing. I wouldn't complain if it was sunny, breezy, and 72 degrees every day for the rest of my life! =)

Abundance

Throughout my life, I've been blessed with everything that I "need" and so much more. Whenever I heard about the poverty in other countries, my heart felt sad for them...but that was it. When I heard about the opportunity to serve in Belize, I immediately knew I was called to be there. It was time for me to get out of my little box and experience another part of the world. It was really scary and I really had no idea what to expect. I saw "homes" that were falling over and rotting....but yet, they were lived in. I saw children that were younger than five walking beside the road by themselves. I saw kids that wore the same clothes everyday. I went into a house where a pig, chickens, and roosters walked throughout the dirt floors with free reign. The physical differences were so noticeable and made me really sad at first. I saw other things, too. I found contentment and love at a completely new level. It is still blessing me today. These people didn't have all the "stuff" to get between them and Jesus like we do. The pureness in the prayers of those little children will be in my heart FOREVER. "Jesus, thank you for this food and juice. Thank you for make everything. We love you." Their physical environment is way less than what we consider to be acceptable. They don't have underwear, running water, or indoor toilets. But yet, they have an abundance of things that matter. The light in the eyes of those kids when you just took time to acknowledge them - play a game, do a craft, or just love on them...it was unreal.

Life is Good

Life is good, when I really sit down and think about it. I'm a huge fan of lists so...

1. My family is AMAZING. We've been through some rough times in the past few months but things have calmed down and I can honestly say that I adore my family...today, we went out to lunch and just having the five of us together was great.


2. Friends. This list is so cliche, but really. I have a few friends that I can talk to about ANYTHING and I mean anything. I love these "soul friends" that this quote applies to...

*Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.*
- Dinah Craik

I'm starting to realize what a blessing it is to have people that I can completely be myself around without having to worry about what they might think.



3. My Josh:) ... He's really become my best friend (well, one of them)...we can talk for hours about everything under the sun and anyone that can put up with my stubborn self deserves some recognition. hahaha. The boy makes me plain giddy.




4. It's obvious...I blog about my church all the time but I honestly LOVE IT! I feel His presence almost every week when I walk into the sanctuary and I'm so thankful that God blesses me in such magnitude every week.




5. I try to pretend that work makes me happy, but really....I'm happy when a customer is nice to me and appreciative (which is rare) and when I get that paycheck every other Wednesday.


6. I also pretend that it's okay that I don't see some of my favorite people over the summer very much, but it's not and I miss them a LOT!!!

This post is so all over the place, but I'm just feelin' grateful tonight!:)

Let It Him Be...

I just wanted to take a few minutes to share my thoughts on one of my new favorite songs. It's by Addison Road, and it's titled "What do I Know of Holy?" Here's the link; check it out if you have a few minutes.

I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

I bolded (not so sure that's a word) & italicized the parts that really stuck out to me. This song is SO perfect for me for so many reasons. First of all, I think this song helps highlight a major problem with Christianity today. We work so hard to figure out the how's and why's of our magnificent God when we should be beholding His glory. It is SO HARD for us to have faith in things we cannot see. WE like to be in control. Accepting that God is mighty and Holy and perfect scares us, because we know we aren't that way. In my opinion,this is a large reason why we spend much of our religious energy fighting over various dogmas about God and issues surrounding the church. We just don't want to admit that there is Someone out there who knows us a million times better than we know ourselves, and that maybe, just maybe, the things we argue about don't even really matter.

Finally, the writers of this song must have gotten into my head before they wrote it because I am guilty of sooo many things mentioned within these amazing lyrics. I agonize over figuring out what I'm called to do for the rest of my life, but I don't stop to listen for what might be revealed to me. Sometimes, I even think of God as trivial in my busy schedule. I can master the "God-talk." I can tell Bible stories until I am black and blue in the face. But what is talk without really and truly knowing and experiencing what you are talking about?

From now on, I am making a conscious effort to experience God for who He is. I think I can be a part of many amazing things if I just let Him be.

A Million Things...

There are SO MANY things I want to blog about, one of them being the fact that I feel so busy that I barely even have time to breathe...Unfortunately, I am one of those people that actually has to sit down for awhile and formulate my thoughts into a coherent post even if I'm not being "deep." I think I'll do a list-type blog right now though...

- Since I got out for summer on April 30th, I've:
---had my final two wisdom teeth removed and recovered from that
---spent MANY waking hours at the *lovely* drugstore
---had plans almost every single night...whether it's church, seeing long-lost friends, family stuff, etc....
---gone to SC for a couple of days to help my grandparents...etc...

I WANT TO:
-SLEEP IN FOR ONE DAY. JUST ONE.
-meet up with some mentors that are willing to listen/guide me
-see my long lost roomie
-sleep in...did I mention that one yet?
-unpack my stuff from school (it's all still in my trunk)
-go get my passport so I can go to Belize...
-have a minute to breathe...
-spend some time seeking His will for my life...in all the chaos of these past few weeks, I've put the One I need more than anything on the backburner...I. HATE. DOING. THAT.

I've realized how good I had it at school! Sit in class for 16ish hours a week, spend 4573927594 hours on Facebook, a couple of hours on productive work, sleep a lot, take naps, etc etc....and even uphold that 4.0! haha... I'm still adjusting to this whole being extremely busy thing....Hopefully, life will calm down some soon!

Nothing really noteworthy about this post, but I feel SO much better just getting some of this mumbo-jumbo out of my head...Maybe I'll post about something worth reading soon =)

This Really Hits Home

All of us like sheep have gone astray,
Each of us has turned to his own way;
But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all
To fall on him

-Isaiah 53:6

Thank You, Amazon.

This morning, I opened my email and found a recommendation from Amazon.com.

The name of the book?
Get Married: What Women Can do to Make it Happen.

Lovely, just lovely.

Lent

This Lenten season, I am trying more than ever to focus on the suffering Messiah. I've always been a part of a church that does an excellent job of incorporating the focus of Lent into all of its services and Bible studies. In years past, I have been somewhat immune to the Lenten journey. I've just walked through the motions without allowing myself to be filled with the Spirit. I think the uncomfortableness of the concept helped me to guard myself from the reality that Christ actually was a human, that He actually suffered, and that he did it all for me. The whole thing is incredible. I feel so unworthy, and in that unworthiness comes an uncomfortable feeling of inadequacy. As Christians, we are not promised to be comfortable. In fact, we are called to follow God even through the valleys. By preparing my heart for the death of Jesus on the cross to save my sins, I am also preparing myself to experience the peace that comes when I hear these words:


Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless and with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.




I did NOT spray half a bottle of my friend's cologne on my blanket the other day just because I am obsessed with the scent. Never would I waste something like that!

I did NOT stop to catch my breath after climbing three sets of stairs in the Religion building before my 8 AM class because I am definitely NOT out of shape...

I do NOT waste at least an hour every day playing my roommate in Facebook Scrabble. And when I win, I do NOT secretly gloat inside because I am definitely not competitive at all. Nope, not me!

I did NOT giggle like a five year old when I visited the pool at a university in Charlotte and saw a swimmer in a Speedo. I am NOT immature like that at all.

I did NOT take a picture with my roommate at 3 AM with wacky hair just to prove that we were awake at that hour of the night. I am NOT in bed before any college student on a regular night and I was not tickled pink to be awake that late.

On a more serious note, I definitely did NOT wonder what in the world I am doing at a smaller university in a small town with one stoplight when I saw the wonders of UNC-Charlotte and UNC-Greensboro. I definitely did NOT feel like I was missing out on the big-city life.

I did NOT take off my shoes to run down the germ-infested hallway of a dorm just for the experience. Nope, not me!

I did NOT draw about five hundred circles on my notes this morning in class. I would not EVER absentmindedly doodle during class.

I have not pointed out to as many people as I can find that I will have my own room and bathroom beginning in May for the first time in my life. I am NOT completely obsessed thrilled about the thought of it. That would be ridiculous!

I do NOT still not have a clue where over half of the states are located on a map even though my friends make fun of me weekly. I definitely did NOT fail to learn this. Not me!

Finally, I was NOT totally thrilled when I saw Nutella for the first time this weekend! I was NOT relieved to finally know what the heck MckMama was talking about!

...At a Loss for Words

I've been thinking about forming a coherent blog post for awhile now...it seems like there has been so much stuff going on in my head lately that I haven't been able to formulate words to explain it all. I was just reading someone's away message and the words bring a sense of peace to me.



Things change, plans fail
You look for love on a grander scale
Storms rise, hopes fade
And you place your bets on another day
When the going gets tough
When the ride is too rough
When youre just not sure enough
Jesus will still be there

His love will never change
Sure as the steady rain
Jesus will still be there
When no one else is true
He'll still be loving you
When it looks like youve lost it all
And you havent got a prayer
Jesus will still be there

Time flies, hearts turn
A little bit wiser from lessons learned
But sometimes, weakness wins
And you lose your foothold once again
When the going gets tough
When the ride's too rough
When youre just not sure enough
Jesus will still be there[point of grace]


There are a few situations in my life that I am beginning to realize that I have absolutely NO control over. This is very stressful for me, because let's face it....I'm a slight control freak concerned human being. My sister and her boyfriend of 2+ years broke up this week, so all week I have been worried about her little heart because she is sooo sad and so upset. To make things worse, I am 100% confident that he is holding her back from her potential and dreams. Have I mentioned that I am her overprotective older sister yet? Anyway, I've been in a damaging relationship before and so I know all about how hard it is for her to let go. Anyway, I've just been feeling like she doesn't care how I feel and I feel so helpless because all I want is for her to see her worth.

..........................................................................

God is good though, and His love fills my heart. Even on the days when I feel SO overwhelmed with life's storms and so frustrated with worldly worries, the Lord's grace abounds and brings me a peace that really can't even be described in words anyway.

Snow Day!!

Snow always makes me think of this passage from Psalm 51:

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me."

What a glorious reminder that God purifies us and washes us white as snow!