An Ungrateful Heart

I am missing the past, wishing the present away, and dreading the future.

I am not being thankful for memories, thankful for my time now, or trusting the future to the One who holds it in His hand.

I do realize this. I also realize its not good.

It makes me upset.

Apparently not enough to do anything about it.

Sometimes I just wonder what in the world I am doing.

How have I ended up at this place in my journey?

Steady hands, just take the wheel......

Lay down your burden, I will carry you
I will carry you, my child

Is this what I'm unwilling to do? Surrender my burdens to the only One that can help me handle?

All I know is that if I don't get out of this phase soon, I am really going to regret it later.

I'm Surrendering....(Or Trying To)

.....the immense desire that I want to be as perfect as possible in my daily life...schoolwork, work, etc. Deep down in my heart, I KNOW that I will NEVER get there.....in all actuality, I won't even come close. I just want to succeed at everything I do....And by succeed, I mean blow everyone else and my own expectations out of the water. I have been giving in to a huge desire of the flesh-competition where I want to do everything in my power to make perfect grades, excel and stand out at work, church....etc. It is really bringing me down in a lot of ways. I think its one thing to want to be more like Christ....but a whole different ballgame when you let yourself get worked up and let down over wanting to be perfect in the ways of the world. So as of tonight, I "vow" to make a huge effort to back down and just go with the flow...and maybe, just maybe, accept a B.....

There Are No Words.....

Memories....ahhh:D