I hate research papers

words cannot express how much :(

The Irony..

So I just went back to last two posts and realized that I used the same song on them....how strange that that song expressed my heart almost a month later!

Be still and know that I am God....

......is something that we often neglect doing. In the fast paced world in which we live, we often forget to take a few moments out of our day to savor the authentic blessings that God pours out on us daily. Whether it is quiet meditation, reflection, or prayer, we need to set aside time to be still and recognize the almighty power of our Lord. I was reminded of this as I sat in church last Sunday. As always, I felt like I was on top of a mountain as I sat in my pew and experienced worship with my church family. Last Sunday though, during the offertory, I was compelled to just close my eyes and reflect upon the message that TM had preached and to just reflect and be thankful for everything that the Lord was doing in my life to richly bless me. During those 3-4 minutes, I felt a peace that I rarely feel. Among the papers, tests, quizzes, and presentations that college often presents me with, I also usually feel stressed or uneasy almost all the time during the week. Sitting in the pew, my eyes filled up with tears as I realized the many blessings that God has bestowed on me and how seldom it is that I give Him the glory for them. The Lord revealed Himself to me in a mighty way that day....it was as if the other 350 people in the room disappeared and I was just there experiencing the presence of the Lord.

I meant to post this last week, but I just never found the time to sit down and type it. I like the way my bible puts it : Cease striving and know that I am God. That's exactly what I need to do sometimes. We need to quit fighting the urge to help ourselves and we need to fall helplessly into the arms of our Jesus who brings the only sense of ultimate peace.

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forevermore

What the Cross of Christ Means to Me...

So, this Lenten season at church we are having a person a week give a little testimony about what the cross means to him/her.....This past Sunday as I was listening to a rather verbose woman speak I began to ponder what the cross meant to me.

The cross of Christ is the epitome of suffering. A man that was perfect and blameless was nailed to a cross and was mocked, scorned, and ridiculed. Just for me and you.

So, to me the cross is a symbol of hope above all else. Sure we think of all the suffering and agony that our perfect Savior went through.....but think of the hope that we have in him!!

This was evident to me firsthand a couple of weekends ago when I went to visit my poppa in the hospital. He has cancer and the tumor that he has causes him terrible pain. It breaks my heart to see him in agony and screaming with pain...but when an old and hurting man pauses from his screaming and is quiet for a few seconds before softly singing that familiar hymn "Oh how I love Jesus, Oh how I love Jesus, Oh how I love Jesus, Because he first loved me..." it is a powerful testament of faith.

I honestly believe that my poppa knows and is humbled by the fact that Jesus understands his pain more than any of us on earth can at all. In that moment the Lord spoke to him and made him at peace during his suffering. What a simply beautiful moment to remember and be thankful that the Almighty God watches over us and protects us. Although we do suffer and life is hard, the cross of Christ is a reminder that Christ suffered to save us from our sins and truly understands our pains and burdens and just asks that we lay everything at his feet. Our decisions, our struggles, our sins, our joys......

Sometimes it is hard for me to give my problems to the Lord, so the cross is a constant reminder of the desire that my sovereign God has for me to hand it all to Him!

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos in confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When You call I won't delay
This my song through all my days
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
Forever more

Sidenote: This probably is a bunch of rambling but I have a million thoughts going through my head!

Smile.

I just had a small epiphany. Okay, maybe I am being dramatic. Its a pretty important realization to me though. Ok, so I didn't have the best day today...it wasnt terrible but it was just kinda gloomy outside and rainy (I am thankful for the rain though!). I got stuck in a torrential downpour on my way back from class with NO umbrella, got soaked, didn't feel well, the list goes on.....and my day wasn't that great. Tonight, I still don't feel well and I have a mound of work to do. But I was just looking through my myspace pictures and realized how important a smile is. God has blessed me. I can smile, with an expression of insurrmountable joy on my face. There are so many people in this world that are torn and brought down by so many things--cheating, rape, depression, death....Sometimes I feel so helpless...like I cant do anything to help these people that are hurting. I have my smile though. On days when I don't feel like smiling, I could smile at someone and make them realize that someone cares. I am just so thankful that I can smile and I have reasons to smile (a Sovereign God that loves me more than I can even begin to imagine, Jesus who died for me, a fabulous church that I LOVE attending every week, my amazing family that I absolutely love more than anything in this world, wonderful friends that make my heart smile, getting an education, etc). Looking at those pictures just renewed my positiveness...def needed that! I need to be more thankful for my many reasons to smile and put forth an effort to share it with others more :)

roommate for sale:

NOTE: mean as a snake and might make you cry but someone with thicker skin than I can handle it.



Yep, that's what my lovely roomie thinks of me.

:)

Through the Ups and Downs of Life...

I haven't blogged in so long...I kinda regret it, but whatever. Let's see.....
-Blake and I broke up in October. Since then, we have had an on-again/off-again type relationship which has been super stressful...Right now we are doing good--trying to communicate more and all that fun stuff.
-When I went to SC for Thanksgiving, I noticed that my poppa wasn't doing great...when we went back for Christmas, it was even more obvious. It broke my heart so much that I cried almost all the way home (which is a three hour trip roughly)...Soon after that, we found out that he has cancer...a tumor in his spine that won't react to chemo or surgery since its against the bone. When we went to see them last weekend, he seemed depressed. He didn't really perk up when he saw us which was highly unusual. I have just tried to put everything in God's hands...praying that he doesn't suffer and that he will find his strength through the power of God's word and prayers and Christian fellowship. He is going to give radiation a try, which has a good chance of shrinking the tumor but not completely. This also has a chance of harming other organs in his body but the doctor was optimistic about the potential of radiation. I'm also worried about my grandma who is having to care for him around the clock. Anyway, I just pray that God's will is done....I am doing much better about this news than I was at first. It didn't help that I was away from home at school when I just wanted to be there with my family.
-Christmas/Advent at ZBC was amazing as always and uplifting as well. I worked full-time hours throughout Christmas break which was somewhat aggravating but I did it and tried to remain positive.
-This new semester is harder than last and I'm just trying to make it through and pass everything. I am experiencing my least favorite prof ever this semester and its a struggle just making it through 50 minutes three times a week.
-I'm making more friends this semester.
-I fall more in love with Jesus everyday and I am still amazed by his grace...and I AM GOING to do better about this blogging thing :)